Lord John Marburry: Summer Solstice

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Turns out today is the summer solstice, which, unless your Pagan, Wiccan, vegan or a baseball fan, probably ranks as a fourth tier holiday, behind Groundhog Day, Arbor Day, Kwanzaa, and National Donut Day (June 7, y’all). I had to Wikipedia it, but apparently, that means today is the longest day of the year, followed by the shortest night, as well as the official first day of the summer. Lots of hippie folk like to celebrate with parties and events to mark the occasion, but I choose to find my celebration in the good deeds of others. Today, as I was walking through the city on my way to work, I noticed a small, elderly man cautiously approach a significantly larger woman and verbally berate her for smoking while pregnant. He was so incensed at the thought that his face turned red, he started shaking his little wrinkled finger at her, and spit formed around the edges of his mouth as he laid on her the most voracious tongue lashing this side of a lesbian labor-day barbecue. He went on for a good minute while she calmly, smoked her cigarette down to filter, then, in the coolest move since refrigerated poop, she flicked the butt at the little old man and said, “I’m not pregnant, you fucking asshole.”

not-pregnant

My hand to God, she could have fooled me. Ive never seen someone carry extra weight exclusively in the uterus region, but this woman was either an Oscar award winning actress, or more probably, not pregnant. She stormed off in her self righteous boots, and the little old man stood dumbstruck for a moment massaging the spot on his forehead the filter hit, before finding it in himself to shuffle off into a nearby establishment.

Poor guy has probably had self esteem issues his whole life, and finally got up the nerve to speak his mind. That or he’s a self righteous little fuck that gets off on telling other people how to live their lives. Either way, the important lesson is, no matter how sure you are, never, under any circumstances, assume Summer Solstice miracles don’t exist.

~LJM

About This Week's Obsession

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