Monthly Archives: February 2011

Simon Theory: Senator Santorum’s Got A “Google” Problem

This has definitely gotta be a first in United States politics. BEST NEWS STORY OF THE DAY! Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum has got a “Google” problem. His Own Words. And here’s all the proof you need: Go to “Google.com” right … Continue reading

Posted in Newspeak | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Lord John Marbury: The Worlds Greatest Shitter

I want to take some time on this public forum to thank Messers Neiman and Marcus for their delightful department store restrooms. Now that my workplace is just a few stores down from NM, I take advantage of them on … Continue reading

Posted in Reefer-ed Readings | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Simon Theory: Greatest President My Ass!

Balls. Thats all I have to say on the Subject. Big, sweaty, Conservative, Balls… Of course, that’s not all I have to say about the subject. Stupid Americans. According to a recent Gallup Poll, Ronald Reagan has topped the list … Continue reading

Posted in Newspeak | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Hippy: Stuck Here In Standby

Wandering strangers move forward in haste And crowded in solitude, I’m left out of place. The blood flow of man so determined in speed, No wonder my wounds have no oil to bleed. Stuck here in Stand-by, I’m forced to … Continue reading

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Lord John Marbury: Cold Pizza

  Well fuck man, its Sunday night and I’m fucking blazed as usual, forntune favors the prepared, however, because I saved 4 slices of cold pizza from last nights dinner, and for that I deserve a high five. The night … Continue reading

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Simon Theory: Atheism Lacks Organization

“Atheism is not a philosophy; it is simply an admission of the obvious. In fact “atheism” is a term that should not even exist. No one ever needs to identify himself as a “non-astrologer” or a “non-alchemist”. We do not … Continue reading

Posted in The God Gene | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Simon Theory: Questioning Tradition

A recently married couple is in the kitchen one warm afternoon cooking ham. While preparing the ham, the young wife starts cutting off the sides of the large ham. The young husband sees this and asks: “Why do you cut … Continue reading

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Simon Theory: The Artist’s Exemption

I’ve often wondered how in God’s name so many “artists” get by for so long doing work that, at best, can be described as uninspired works of mediocrity and, at worst, be described as pompous, nonsensical bullshit. Now I’m not … Continue reading

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