Simon Theory: “Rep. Cliff Stearns is a Terrorist”

 OK. Lets pretend for a second…(deep breath)…that you are a 9/11 First Responder who puts your life on the line while bearing witness to death and pain at the hands of an evil beyond civilized society’s comprehension in an effort to lend a helping hand with no thought of your own physical safety or personal reward only to be used as a political pawn by Republicans who exploited your pain to justify a war in which the target of your country’s invasion and personal pain WAS NOT the aggressors responsible for your medically diagnosed physical and psychological trauma only to be forced to wait A DECADE for Congress to finally pass the “9/11 Health And Compensation Law” which covers your healthcare costs for ailments that have worsened in the past 10 years and, low and behold, just when you see the light at the end of the debris-filled, oxygen-depleted, tunnel, Florida Republican Congressman Cliff Sterns walks up to you, who is most likely a 20 year veteran of the New York Police Department or Fire Fighters, and says, “No money for you until I know full well that you’re not a terrorist.”

Thanks to Cliff Stearns, it’s official…the terrorists have won. I hope you’re proud of yourself.

Not to succumb to the destructive vernacular of my generation, but W.T.F., Mate!! I get the fact that Republicans abhor the thought of giving anyone anywhere any kind of healthcare ever and Obamacare covering millions of children with preexisting conditions was the worst attack of Socialism in our country’s Theocratic history but, aren’t you just being a wee-bit too uptight here? Jon Stewart, my only source for news anywhere…ever, brings up a good point on this subject that no one is screened by the Terrorist Watchlist for Social Security, Healthcare, FEMA aid, and even the rebels we’ll be arming in Libya aren’t put through this screening process, but lets screen the poor bastards who risked their lives to aid the victims of a terrorist attack.

<==8 This douchebag right here who’s sponsored 46 earmarks totaling $85,810,100 (suck a dick, Cliff) who once said “My prayers are….with our brave men and women waging and winning the War on Terror. We must never forget the horrible events of that September day”, well, uh, he clearly forgot the events of that day but who could blame him. While the First Responders he’s now donkey-punching in the soul were saving lives and getting sick, he was thousands of miles away tucked safely in bed with the wife he can’t sexually satisfy (immature, probably. But so is the need for the Patriot Act in February of 2011 yet, he got that passed).

Many New York cops and firefighters are claiming, its pretty damn insulting that a country will give Libyan rebels firearms without checking the Terrorist Watchlist, but won’t cover healthcare costs for 9/11 First Responders. Meanwhile, Cliff Stearns is spending the bulk of his time in office protecting online commerce so taxpayers can continue shopping on Amazon and, First Responders can politely request, as Eric Cartman puts it, “walk across the street and go buy some cigarettes because I like to have a smoke after I get good and fucked!!!”. If I could pay for it all, I would. However, sadly, this is all I can offer you brave men and women:

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