Lord John Marbury: Mouth-boner

I find it amazing that people in the real world treat me like an adult. The girl at the drive through bank teller calls me sir. If only these fools knew I’d been putting them on the entire time. More often than not, and especially if I look thoughtful and pensive, I’m actually stoned and thinking about Batman or plotting the best escape route in case of a zombie/velociraptor/zombie-velociraptor attack. Fuck you, fortune favors the prepared, and I’m not letting you into my well stocked safe house.

True story.

Anyway, in my child’s mind, there is no greater earthly invention than the dinosaur chicken nugget. They’re delicious, nostalgic and let me eat a Tyrannosaurus Rex after staging a mock trial where I represent the Pterodactyl, accused of the statutory rape of a consenting, yet underage Brontosaurus. A lifelong dream I have. Behold, and bask in their brilliance! (that was some alliteration right there, and I don’t mind tellin’ ya!)

FUCK YES!

Barbeque sauce was invented for this. Mouth-boner.

“Smoke more weed, Turtle. Seriously, smoke more weed.”

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About This Week's Obsession

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