Occasionally, I take part in some harmless gay humor with Simon Theory similar to “Gay Chicken” in an effort to one-up the other in the most bizarre combination of sexual accoutrements. Because sex means nothing without the right accessories, right? So this is the actual word-for-word, transcript of a back-and-forth text exchange we had a few days ago that I found quite inventive:
- Hippy: Cool. Lets hang out.
- Simon Theory: OK. But we gotta go to ****’s Bday party Saturday.
- Hippy: Sounds gay…fuck, I guess.
- Simon Theory: Well, its a gay guy’s Bday. Planned by a gay guy’s boyfriend. Located at the gayest club in the state.
- Hippy: OK. I’ll bring the butt plugs.
- Simon Theory: I’ll bring the car batteries.
- H: I’ll bring poodles and ointment.
- ST: I’ll bring The Sybian and G.I. Joe figurines.
- H: I’ll bring the E! Network.
- ST: I’ll bring the Jelly Donuts and iPhone 4 car adapter.
- H: I’ll bring the camera phone and a phone book from the state of Wisconsin.
- ST: I’ll bring the life-sized Boba Fett cut-out and the remote control to a 1983 Zenith big-screen TV set.
- H: I’ll bring the Nordic Track stairmaster, flip-flops, and an executioner’s mask.
- ST: I’ll bring a Nintendo Glove controller, 6 ft. of rope tied in a noose, hubcaps, and a job application to Old Navy.
- H: I’ll bring Ashton Kutcher.
- ST: LAST STRAW! I’M OUT!! You’ve crossed a line, God Dammit!!
- H: Prude.
And I got the last word! Guess I’m much more kinky than I thought. Anyways, feel free to add your own. I’m gonna go jerk it with a rope around my neck, a ball gag in my mouth, and a cock ring just for flavor. Bye!